Monday, June 29, 2009

'Bout time I let you know how I did....

I came through the surgery very well with no complications (so far) and I feel pretty good. I don't know why now I was so frightened; for some reason I thought sure I was not going to make it through the surgery and that went very well. The growth on my left ovary was, in the doctor's words, "small, about the size of a tennis ball"....What the hell is big if a tennis ball is small?!?! and benign, which was the absolute best part of it all.

So I came home the next day and I've been home recuperating from probably the easiest surgery I've ever gone through. I've been knitting, though nothing too complicated because of the pain meds, and reading and snoozing and watching tons of nothing on TV. I've gone for walks and taken Mike to the grocery store because as long as I don't take the narcotic pain meds, I have no restrictions on driving. On the driving front, I'm not going too far because it takes a lot out of me, but the store is just too far to make Mike walk and then carry groceries home. I can take him, he can shop and do all the lugging and we do ok between us.

I'll post more another night as I'm tired tonight.
So, until next time, wear natural fibers; hug your cats!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Odd thoughts, or maybe not

Have you ever known something that made you oddly happy? Or that you thought of as a good omen in some way? Groundhogs do that to me. Groundhogs are all named "Frodo" and when I see a groundhog on the way to or from somewhere, I say I've seen a Frodo. If you've read any of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, you know that the heroes of the stories are Hobbits, who are short, and maybe a little round, folks with hairy feet who like to eat as many meals as possible in a day and live in underground homes with round doors. To me, not unlike groundhogs, hence the name "Frodo" for all groundhogs. I suppose they could be "Samwise" or "Merry", but I just like Frodo best, so that's what I call them.

It makes me oddly happy to see them busily eating on the side of the road when I'm on my way to work or on my way home from work and when Mike and I are driving somewhere on vacation, we both tend to think that the more Frodos we see, the luckier the trip will be. Is that unreasonable? I don't think so and I'm glad to see them around.

We even have our own little guy living under the shed. I suppose that if I were a gardener (I'm not), I'd care that Frodo was coming out to eat up my plants, but I don't begrudge him the odd weed or grass or whatever it is he munches on in my yard. Sometimes I know he's outside because the cats jump into the windows and chatter at him in frustration because they just can't get through the screen to catch him and play with him until he dies, as cats will.

Funny how thoughts run through your mind when things are unsettled in your life. I'm having surgery yet again on the 24th. Yes, it's necessary. No, I don't want to have it. I'm tired of being cut into and I've gone to so much trouble to avoid this surgery that it really ticks me off to have to have it in the end anyway. I'm having a complete hysterectomy and I'm wondering if what I'm feeling has to do with the fact that I feel that the surgery will, in essence, remove my "femaleness", if that's even a word. Will the removal of my essentially female inner organs make me less of a woman? I don't want to think so, but I do fear that I will somehow be less woman than I am now. Does all that even make sense? The logical part of me says it doesn't, but the emotional part of me is a whole 'nother story. My innards are not the only things that make me a woman; so why do I feel like the loss of them will make me somehow less of a woman? My friends who've had hysterectomies tell me things will be better; I won't have the issues that are making the surgery necessary and some parts of my life will be better than they were. I guess I'll just have to find out.

In the meantime, I don't want to have the surgery, and I wouldn't if a doctor didn't tell me I don't have much choice right now. If I want my problems to stop, I need to remove the sources of those problems, and that means a hysterectomy. Ah well, I can rage about it all I want to; it won't change the necessity or the date of the surgery. Wish me well and don't look for a post for a bit (like I post so frequently...). I'll try to answer comments if I'm up to it, but I'm not promising anything.

Until next time, wear natural fibers; hug your cats!